Reconcile and Forgive Immediately!

This post is based on material from Dave Anderson’s book, How to Run Your Business by THE BOOK. It is the final post in a series of five in which we will address common character issues for leaders. The character issue we are addressing concerns the ability to reconcile and forgive immediately.

My Confession

I have a confession to make. In fact, I really do not even want to cover this subject. Unfortunately, I would feel even worse if I cut Dave Anderson’s five point list down to four and moved on! And so I plow on…

My confession is this – I have a backpack that I carry around most of the time that has a pocket on it just for grudges! These are not huge, unwieldy grudges that cause a sore back and aching muscles.

My Grudges

No, these are nice and compact little grudges that fit perfectly in the pockets of the backpack. They are very quiet grudges and do not make their presence known except in certain circumstances. Sometimes I forget they are even there.

These little grudges are born for me when someone local goes out of town to purchase a vehicle from a competitor. I do not have an issue when someone, even a friend, buys a car from another local dealer. I would love to sell everyone a car, but I know I will lose some deals. That is just part of doing business.

However, when I see a dealer’s drive-out tag from an out-of-town competitor on a local car, my blood boils. Just ask my wife. She cringes when she sees one, hoping I will miss it! Unfortunately, my radar rarely misses one of these!

I am completely wrong and embarrassed to admit it, but I cannot deny it.

Holding Grudges

Dave Anderson says that competitive business people are known for holding grudges. While this is certainly not an exhaustive list, he gives the following examples of when we might create these grudges:

• When an employee makes a mistake
• When an employee leaves the organization for reasons we do not like
• When competitors take away our business (already mentioned above!)
• When coworkers wrong us
• When family members do not appreciate or support our career

So what is the problem with this? I am sure I am not the only person that carries these little grudges around. Some people carry bigger ones than I do! So if this is common, why do we need to address it? Why is the ability to reconcile and forgive – getting rid of these grudges – so important?

What Does Jesus Say?

Let’s take a look at Jesus’ own words. In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says the following:

So if you are offering your gift on the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
– Matthew 5:23-24

Later in the same speech, Jesus said this:

For if you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing.
– Matthew 6:14-15

So what do you take from these words? Is this something we should take casually? Is this something we should just skip over? Or is this a topic that we should address immediately, with great urgency and effort?

Forgive and Reconcile

I believe there are two reasons for us to act now!

First, Jesus tells us to forgive and to reconcile. It really is that simple. If Jesus is this clear and emphatic about something, it is best we take heed and act on it.

Second, we are the one’s that are hurt by this practice. Even if we are completely justified in the way we feel, the other person is rarely aware of our feelings. Even if they are, I promise they do not think about it as often or for as long as we do!

Stop Chasing The Snake!

Think about the illustration of the venomous snake that bites you. Which do you attempt first – killing the snake or removing the venom? Too many Christian business leaders start chasing the snake to kill it, causing the venom to spread faster and leading to a quicker death. This simply makes no sense. This only hurts you, not the snake.

Stop chasing the snake!

Dave’s Challenges To Us

Here are Dave’s challenges to us:

1. Bring closure to past offenses. Identify amends you must make, with whom, and do it quickly.
2. Practice forgiving quickly. Realize it is the responsibility of the more spiritually mature in a relationship to make the first move toward reconciliation and restoration.
3. If someone continues to offend or hurt you, practice praying for them the qualities they seem to be lacking. This follows the Biblical promise to bless your enemies and the promise to receive a blessing in return.

I encourage you to pray over this topic.

Ask God to reveal any blind spots and resolve to act on them immediately!